Charity shall cover the multitude of sins

The title of this post is  a quote from the bible, not that I’ve read the bible particularly, but it’s very, very, true. From those seeking to further or re-ignite a musical career by performing in a charity sing-a-long, or the person recently exposed for general wickedness giving a sizable donation in the hope of forgiveness to outright theft. Charity is not always about being charitable.

With most RL charities you do get some idea of where your moolah is going. Be it from annual events like Comic Relief, or the abandoned dog ‘writing’ to you from the happy dogs home where it is cared for. Of course this information might be complete bullshit, in SL however, where we’re all only who we say we are, it’s harder to be sure that your very real money is going to the right place.

You do find a lot of people asking for donations for various things in SL, be it medical aid or to assist with an electricity bill. Some of these things you want to help with, some of them less so. Not so long ago there was a blog asking for donations to a good cause. To send the bloggers child to a camp, several posts were made over the days, keeping us up to date with the total amount received, dates expected to leave, shopping trips for things to take to camp, promises of photos of the child enjoying the camp and so forth until…. Nothing. Not a sausage more was heard aside from a couple of completely unrelated posts on the blog. But I wanted to know how it went. Did they make all the money and go to the camp? Did they not reach their goal and had to postpone for next year, thus returning all the money to the donors? What was going on?

Now as evil as I feel casting aspersions on something as sensitive as this, this plea for help from this particular person left a sour taste in my mouth. Because it wasn’t the first time they’d been found needy.

It was over a year ago when I first noticed this person, their laptop was unhealthy and such was their plight that they couldn’t play SL anymore. Which, before anyone leaps in with ‘ZOMG, like SL is vital to your life’, SL *is* vital to some peoples lives, so kindly shush. Anyhoo, a sale of their items and inclusion of tip jars at their store was launched in order to garner some cash to go to a repair/new laptop. I’m not sure which. Again, a flurry of posts advertising the sale and asking for help, and again, nothing afterwards. I’d presume they’re got the lappy fixed as four days after the initial breakdown they blogged dancing on cows at an SL party. But no specific mention of a fix was made.

Now I’ve mentioned no names here, although it’s prolly fairly obvious. But believe me, I’d dearly like this person to show me a buttload of photos and say ‘fuck you bitch’ to me, I really would. Cos I hate that SL makes me suspicious like this. But at the same time you really do have to wonder what some peoples needs really are.

Do you remember…

Life was so much easier in 2004 fashion wise, there was only 7 different outfits which we all wore in rotation, you could wear a system skirt without looking like a tit, everything was slutty and you could wear a blank texture as a skin and people thought you looked ‘cool’.

One of the most coveted items in SL at the time, was the near legendary ‘Cum Fuck Me’ boots made by Asri Falcone, these were precious indeed. The name alone enough to ensnare even the most prudish of shoppers. Standing at 750$L they were bloody expensive at the time, purchasing even 1000 lindens in those days required the ability to fiddle with various websites, input your particulars 20 gazillion times and wait for several weeks. Or you could take out a second mortgage and buy them off eBay.

But they were worth it just to totter your leather clad thighs around on the teetering prim heels looking superior to everyone else in their textured shoes.

But sadly all this changed and Second Life is all new and and exciting with more clothing shops than there are tins of beans at Tesco’s. But occasionally one longs for the comforting taste of nostalgia and takes a little trip through the murk of the mainland to find all the places where they used to splash their cash. I was on one such trip the other day, remembering the days of gothic brilliance of Nomine, going to Lost and Amby’s store where they keep all those old clothes (and purchasing many things I dribbled over in my SL youth) and trying to remember the name of the bloke who owned a big pyramid club and left SL in a fury with the Lindens. It was then I remembered my precious CFM boots and hot footed it to Asri’s store to regard. I was delighted to find they still existed with the sexy walk replacer (which is still in my AO to this day) and provocative adverts. “Huzzah!” I thought, but then I noticed the price. The previously mentioned stores had dropped all their prices to a few paltry lindens but not Asri, no. You can still purchase the CFM’s for their original price.

Now like I said, these boots were the bollocks, in 2004. But things have moved on, and I have to admit I was cringing in my seat at wearing these clompy buggers for the pictures you see above. I can’t understand why they still have the same price tag on them, the only people who are going to buy these are nostalgia driven harpies (me) and people who haven’t a clue about SL and have never heard of Abyss.

So Cum Fuck Me has become Fuck No and an era as ended. Now lets all bugger off back to Maitreya.

Kitty’s A to Z of Sexual Fetish in SL (part one)

Apart from being deeply uninspired (who knew) and not being brave enough to add my thoughts to the 20 gazillion commentaries on SL drama and llamas,  I have decided to flake out and do an A to Z of SL Fetishes (like the title says).

Not much of a cop out really, as I had to force myself to wander the grid in search of weird sexual practices, fortunately Rosie was on hand to help out with most of them so I didn’t have to work ‘that’ hard, also due to strict regulations in my contract I had to use a stunt woman (Tie) for all pictures.

So without further ado I present the letter A.

A is for Agalmatophilia

LOOK!! A long word, and it’s 9am… Go me. According to wiki Agalmatophilia is

“A paraphilial attraction to a statue, doll, mannequin or other similar figurative object, and is characterized by a human’s sexual arousal and gratification being dependent upon fantasizing about and engaging in sexual behavior with said object”

So put simply, all sex in SL. If you’ve made your pixels into a two backed beast in second life, you are an agalmatophiliac… Pervert!

B is for Bukkake

Once again according to the wiki

“Bukkake is a sexual practice that features a woman being ejaculated on by multiple men.”

Apart from being allegedly good for the skin, this is a popular fetish in SL with 1780 search results. From entire sims to several small quality boutiques offering prim and clothing layer baby gravy. Bukkake is big and can fit into many categories: group sex, domination, sploshing and people who liked being repeatedly smacked in the head by penii. Bukkake has it all.

C is for Cameltoe

“Cameltoe is a slang term that refers to the outline of the female labia majora when seen through tight, form-fitting clothes”

Not strictly a fetish in SL as every female has one, but I included it to make clothes designers aware that this is an unexplored market and some nice cameltoe accentuating items would be much appreciated.

D is for Doll Fetish

Possibly more under the heading of agalmatophilia, but it was this or dogs. In SL the whole doll D/s is catered to, from shiny pink latex to mahousive love melons. Those who wish to be transformed into one of the vapid whores they collected as a child can find happiness in SL with ease.

Part two coming soon.

Slut Reclaimation

Before y’all get to thinking this is a generic “ZOMG blingtards and fat arsed people who dress like sluts are the curse of second life and should all be locked up” it isn’t. You see I’m a slut. Of the pictures above you’ll usually find me in the outfit on the right. But without knickers. I’ll change my title to Slut, I’ll have an alt called Slutty McGertrude, I’ll stand in a densely populated sim and sing the “I’m a slut™” song.

The problem is, not everyone thinks like me (prolly a good thing in all honesty) and the word slut is a dirty word. No just in the sense of it being synonymous with sex, but in the fact that most of the human race considers it an insult. Back when slut started it was used to describe someone who was slovenly and lazy, and yes, that description fits me to a tee. But the more modern usage (What?! The 1400’s were modern?) it means a woman who is sexually promiscuous.

Now I’m not promiscuous, I love sex, but only with one person, so what the fook am I meant to call myself? Nymphomaniac implies I have mental problems, horny isn’t really getting to the crux of the matter.. Eager? Wet and wild? Please…

The base fact is there is no positive word for women who like sex. Men have butts loads, but women have nowt. So what I want is to claim the word slut in the name of sex loving girlies everywhere (or at least in SL). If you like sex you are a slut, you can be an anal slut, a blow job slut, a willing slut, an angry slut.. Whatever, even if you just like to get your bewbies out so everyone looks, the point of the matter is you are a slut and you should be damn proud of it.