Archive for Orchid

Harassed by an Idiot Stripper

Posted in SecondLife® with tags on June 19, 2009 by Orchid

Let me just get one thing clear:  I love sex crazed noobs.  Really.  I do.

Being a 6’2 purple .. something .. means I don’t get hit on a lot.  But noobs?  They don’t care!  They’ll try to get your panties down within minutes regardless of what you look like – and I love them for it.  My favorite has to be the noobs that want to do ME for money.  If I pay them 100L they will do me with their freenis on that hideous black and blue freebie sex chair.  Money well spent, right?

That’s when I turn the tables.

Me:  I’m sorry but I’m going to have to take you in.

Noob:  Excuse me?

Me:  You just solicited me for sex – which means you’re a prostitute – and we aren’t in the Bunny Ranch Sim, buddy.

Noob:  Are you serious?

Me:  The law don’t play around my friend.  Just ask Walker, Texas Ranger.

Noob:  This has to be a joke.

Me:  I wouldn’t find this sort of joke funny.

Noob:  F U I’m out of here.

Me:  *handcuffs you to an imaginary chair and does a super rad sexy dance*  You can’t leave!  This is your “Haha you were just harassed by an idiot stripper party!”

(noob has TP’d)

The sad part is – I never get to have any fun.  Ever.

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Theft Makes the World Go ‘Round

Posted in Op/Ed, Satire, SecondLife® with tags , , , on January 2, 2009 by Orchid

That’s right I said it.  People steal crap and that statement is no surprise.  What I don’t understand is the fine lines.  I’m hoping that I’m not the only one, and if I am then its fine to laugh at me and call me a jackass. 

I see a lot of blogs that are all “omg Soand So completely ripped ThisItem from Whofuken Cares” and at first I thought it was all just me.  I thought I was being insensitive to the feelings of content creators.  I almost felt guilty for not caring about theft. 

That’s before I started to see how the lines are so damned blurred.  I could be wrong, but what follows is how I honestly believe the lines are drawn as far as SL fashion goes.  First, the don’ts.

The Do Nots

1- Do not think that people won’t go out of their way to make you look bad.

2- Do not use real things as reference to where anyone can notice because even though artists do that in real life it is not okay to do this in SL.  Someone will call this theft.

3- Do not pay anyone to blog your crap.  Even though people pay magazines to publish their items in real life – SL is not real and therefore people should advertise (however little traffic they get) your shit for free.

4- The Code of Blogging Ethics is written on a napkin somewhere in someone’s overpriced handbag.  No you may not see it.  Someone will definitely contact you when they feel you have breached this silent, unpublished agreement.

5-  Never blog something that isn’t already blogged somewhere.  This will make you different and will therefore draw attention to yourself.  Never do this.  Maintain your cover at all times. 

6-  The line between paraphrasing and plagiarism is as small as quotation marks.  When in doubt – slap in some quotations.  Why not?

7-  Do not tell anyone how much/how little you make from SL.

8-  If you aren’t sure if what you’re selling is considered stealing – find a fashion blogger and show them the crap you made.  They may not actually know if its stolen – but at least you might get props for checking first?

 

The DOs

1- Do use images of copyright things like Hello Kitty or military emblems on your items.  This is not stealing.  Why?  Because for whatever reason fashion bloggers have overlooked this form of stealing and have deemed it okay.  Even though movie producers cannot use actual military uniforms for movies – people who make junk in SL CAN.  Why?  Dunno. 

2- Start your own group in SL and invite any random person you see anywhere on the grid to join it.  Hand out a thing or two for free once or so a year so you can keep the part of the sentence that says “free giveaways!” in your group charter.  No need to lie, right?

3- If someone makes something that even remotely resembles your ‘something’ then file a YMCA ASAP WTFBBQ LMNOP, ok?  Same lipstick color?  Holy fuck.  They ganked your shit.

4- Build a store to sell your crap.  Don’t use one of the SL selling sites.  If one person does cry “THIEF” then at least people will TP to your store, give you traffic, and every single blogger there will probably buy your shit in order to take pics of it and blog about it.  And hey – if they take pics of your ads in your store – fuck ’em up with a YMCA about that whole deal of taking a picture of your ads cuz that’s stealing too, yo!

Honestly I could go on and on.  I just don’t see the line, folks.  I don’t understand how one form of theft is okay but another isn’t.  Some stealing is less severe than the other, I guess?  And somehow severity takes precedence over principal?  I really just don’t know.  Now I’ve confused the crap out of myself – but at least I’m entertained.

..And I Thought I Knew You!

Posted in Op/Ed, SL® Fashion with tags , , on November 18, 2008 by Orchid

I am not organized. Everything I have purchased/made in my inventory isn’t categorized. I know its strange, but I have somehow memorized what things look like based on what they’re called. I’ve learned that’s just how my memory works. I may not recognize your face, but I’ll always remember your name. I can’t really explain it other than to chalk it up to a splendor of my genius (stop laughing.)

Not long ago I noticed that this method of memory has spilled over to more than just name/face and item/thing recognition. Its now come to the point that I ‘predict’ blogposts from fashion bloggers the exact same way. When I see something posted by .. oh I don’t know let’s just say Iris Seale .. I’ve already formed an image in my mind of what the item(s) will look like. Perhaps this isn’t such a bad thing, but I’ve realised something in all this: sometimes I get thrown for a fucking loop.

See, its just when I think I know someone and their sense of fashion when they decide to post about something off-the-wall. They throw random folders on themselves and make it look good and I’m not expecting that. Don’t be so spontaneous, fashion bloggers! Sometimes they will even purchase/wear outfits that are so far out of their norm that I don’t even recognize then anymore. Once upon a time everyone blogged about the SOS (same old shit) so you could just check a single fashion blog and see every release that designer put out that day/week/month. Not so these days – and I have to say its a little frustrating.

Some of you will say “Why are you complaining? Don’t you want some variety from the day to day? Are you a crybaby?” and the answer is: I don’t know (and yes) I mean, do I really want to spend double the time to see half the stuff that I’d honestly buy? No. I wouldn’t even have this problem in the first place if people would just stick to one look anyway! I mean it isn’t my fault that they (fashion bloggers in general) scour the grid to find designers that I’ve never heard of only to turn them into the Next Big Thing in a matter of twenty-four hours – which then makes me turn up my nose and be all “Pft yeah but everyone’s wearing that”.

Surely I can’t be the only clothes snob in SL. I highly doubt I am the only person who rarely changes clothes, never goes to clubs, and assumes that I know every single thing about every fast-posting fashion blogger known to the internet. I also sincerely doubt that I’m not the only person who gets just a little bit offended when I see a fashion blogger dressing up in a ‘fun outfit’ only to make a tiny frowny face when I see that their idea of ‘fun’ is my idea of ‘daily wear for endless days.’

Yes, I’m a crybaby and I admitted it. I get an overwhelming urge to activate a temper tantrum animation every time I see an outfit I like being called “something totally different”. When will stuff that I like become something totally normal? At least then I wouldn’t have a problem finding it (‘it’ being stuff I like.) I’m just going to start Opposite Day(s). Any day that I see a fashion blogger/designer who posts/makes ‘something totally different’ that will be a day that I romp around the grid in a normal skin, normal colored hair, and normal clothes. Today is the first day of Opposite Day.

Opposite Day 1

Details in the desc on Flikr