Archive for the Parody Category

Pssst… Alts Are Taking Over The World

Posted in Op/Ed, Parody, Satire, SecondLife® with tags , , , , on October 17, 2010 by hawksrock

I recently had an experience akin to that of the matrix or terminator movie franchises, whereas I uncovered a nefarious plot by not the machines in this case, but by the alts to take over the world.  Luckily we the chosen few have been well trained in special alt SL-ops (or SLops) by some of the best masterminds out there.  I mean if you do not yet understood the new math of 6 degrees of Elexor Matador… then how can you even call yourself a Second Life resident?   I guess for the uninitiated, or simple minded out there…  you might be wondering what the new math is or maybe you slept through that period in SL-algebra?  First read up on the old school math here.   That was sooo  circa 1999.  You see Kevin Bacon was limited by the fact that he was only one person, and therefore was somewhat limited in his capacity to reach out and touch someone.  In the current world, through the power of alting, you  now have the ability to have an exponential impact on those around you.  You are limited only by your own imagination and ability to multitask conversations.  The new math dictates that one in 6 avatars IS Elexor Matador.  So yes… if you have had SLex with at least 6 avatars (a number probably on the low side of average driven up by the number of horndogs out there who seek the truth) then you too have probably gotten a lil blingy penis without even knowing it.

The reality is that the six degrees of Elexor Matador phenomena has just gone viral.  It has recently come to my attention that alting is taking over THE WORLD… well at least social networking which is our LINK to THE WORLD from our basement safehouses.  I will admit that I was taking life easy, enjoying a little sunlight and fresh air for a change, while venturing abroad into that great abyss known as the great outdoors during my self imposed hiatus from SecondLife.  When all of a sudden, boom… my SLops training started tingling and I realized that my 17 year old daughter was falling for the ploys of a Matador initiate.  It started when I noticed a little thing on that link to life Facebook called a “relationship status” change.   It appeared that our daughter was now “in a relationship”, and it wasn’t even “complicated.”  Well, Jellybean and I immediately dusted off our cyber-sleuthing skills and went to work.

A quick backlink trace showed that this initiate was either a bit sloppy or at least pretending to be.  You see it appears that his wall, photos, info, and historical files were all readily accessible.  The first redflag appeared when we checked his date of birth which showed 1989.  I know many of you are still reeling from the SL-algebra above, but I will help you out and explain that this would put his age at 21 years which ranked up there in the “oh hell no” of ages.  Second, it was time to check his wall.   It appears he was speaking in some sort of code or foreign language.  It appeared that all of his status updates were pure gibberish to the uninitiated.

A few examples:

“BE BAK ON SOON TXT ME MMK ! NEMO BE BAK LATR:) FISH GOT SWIM BIRDS GOTTA EAT:) LATA DUDE:)”

“u showd me nuthin but hate but just like thy say, wat comes around gose around…”

“luvin du fuckin life im livin… its like a DREAM…”

At this point the daughter was brought in for questioning.  A few things were brought up such as her moral imperative to be additive to the global gene pool and not to assist with the dumbing down of America.  How was a 21 year old attending high school?  Do they not teach spelling in school any longer? Is this really the best option on the table?  She then dropped the bomb.  You see this facebook account wasn’t a true depiction into the intelligence and moral aptitude of the new relationship.  He just chooses to “act this way on Facebook”.  He put his age in as older so he looks “cooler.”   OMGWTFBBQ!!!   Does he have a blingy penis?  And you better not be able to answer that yet missy, since this is only day two of the new relationship status!

Well needless to say, this sort of put me back on high alert status.  It appears that there is a new push to hide your true identity on Facebook.  People are alting under various guises at various ages and with varying intelligence levels.  They are seeking to infiltrate the very fabric of our social existence.  They are on the lookout to RULE THE WORLD!

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Linden Lab’s Second Life Adverts

Posted in Parody with tags , , , , on July 10, 2010 by Prad

I love the Second Life adverts which Linden Lab have come up with. When it’s not some random SLer you’ve never heard of being morphed into a pixellated form, it was an obvious rip off of Avatar. Amazing how IMVU had the exact same idea..

Amazing how the LL vigilantes are cleaning up XStreet SL for anything which vaguely looks like it’s infringing on real world copyrights, but they have no issue when it comes to jumping on the Avatar bandwagon and using such blatant advertising to misleadingly draw people in. Oh, this is the new one, by the way:

Is there a vampire movie coming out or something? I can’t say I’d noticed.

Of course you can be a blue-skinned utopian dreamer, or a glittery pale-skinned bootylicious vampire. Alternatively, Linden Lab can put out more direct adverts which are guarenteed to be much more appealing.

Hey Linden Lab’s Marketing Department – you can have these for free, because I’m feeling generous:

Thank You Ever So Much For Letting Me Know. Again.

Posted in Op/Ed, Parody, Satire, SecondLife® with tags , , , , on August 16, 2009 by Prad

[10.30] Random Avatar: THIS IS NOT A HOAX! An avatar called Ivor Biggun is distributing a prim/HUD/freenis to random avatars which when you wear it will STEAL ALL YOUR LINDENS!!!!!!11111ELEVEN. It will also STEAL YOUR INVENTORY!!!!!!1 And it’ll copy your avatar!!!!! And it’ll spread itself through your ENTIRE FRIENDLIST!!! And then it’ll download itself onto computer and STEAL UR CREDIT CARD!!!!! And then it’ll control ur computer and make it do all evil stuffs, and hack teh PENTAGON!!!!! And then the FEDS WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE and lock you away FOREVER!!!!! Pass this on to ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND GROUPS NAO!!!!!!1111ONE.

This should have died back in 2007.

Life by Xcite!

Posted in Parody with tags , , , on June 8, 2009 by hawksrock

Do you ever wake up and feel like your life is totally scripted, and you are just the actor hired to play the role? I do on occasion. I have decided that rather than try to fight it, I am going to hire better writers. Who more fitting than the wonderful Xcite! staff to script my life?

Today’s installment: Hawk’s vacuums the rug

Hawksrock looks down his looooong hose focusing on the business at hand.

Hawksrock slides his fingers down the shaft trying to find the magic button to bring it to life.

Hawksrock tenses slightly as his hose roars to life in his hand.

Hawksrock plunges his hose deep into the rug feeling the suction as the tip of his hose goes deep into the fibers of the rug.

Dirrty rug whispers:  I am shocked by the size of your hose, although I shiver with the anticipation of it.

Hawksrock works his hose back and forth covering every inch of the rug leaving no corner untouched.

Dirrty rug whispers:  I love the way you tease me, sucking every piece of lint from my fiber.

Hawksrock pulls back hard on his hose as it appears to be stuck to the rug.

Dirrty rug whispers:  I am beginning to be clean, ohhh so very clean.  Don’t stop!!

Hawksrock places his foot firmly against the rug trying to hold it down and pin it in place as the rug latches onto his hose.

Dirrty rug whispers:  I am feeling clean again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again.  Don’t let me go you dirrty hose.

Hawksrock pulls back harder, catching his breath as his hose releases the rug.

Hawksrock smooths out the rug running his hands lightly over the creases.

Hawksrock puts the hose and vacuum up for another day.

In case you missed the first installment of Life by Xcite!  You can find where Hawks does the dirrty dishes here.

Second Life Drama

Posted in Parody, Satire, SecondLife®, Virtual Worlds with tags , , , , , on March 14, 2009 by Prad

The by product of the two largest driving forces behind Second Life (Love and money) is, of course, Drama. We watch it, live it, participate in it and laugh at it. We laugh at how pathetic it all is, and wonder why the people involved don’t devote their passion and time into something more productive. And then we realise we’re watching it unfold and close the window.

I’ve never failed to be amazed that people twice my age can kick up such a fuss that’d put High School kids to shame – it’s amazing how catty and bitchy residents can get.

SL drama, obviously, will pretty much always originate from Second Life. Whether it be by a failed relationship, a competing store or just because someone has a complete lack of any social skills. What differs Second Life dramas from Real Life ones is that they very rarely involve politics or religion – oh no. It’s much more childish and pointless than that.

So here’s how it rolls: Someone says something that somebody else doesn’t like. That person retaliates with personal attacks, which the other person then responds to. Then the friends turn up in hordes to protect their friend, and the whole thing embroils into a small scale fiasco. And of course, Second Life being Second Life, obviously someone has to blog it..

So then it’s out there for anyone in the world to see. Before you know it, it’s being spread on Plurk, across Twitter, into Flickr and other bloggers are wading in with comments and their own entries. All the minions group up and form sides, backing each other up in their blog entries and making a big deal out of what initially was a small little thing.

It’s important to note that there are never any winners – just a whole lot of losers who are mocked silently amongst the masses. Regular participators become “blacklisted” for embroiling themselves in drama at every given opportunity, and people class them as someone who has serious mental issues. You know you’ve hit rock bottom when I’ve bothered to satirise you.

People seem to like examples, but the scenario above will fit just about every SL drama you can think of. If you find this post offensive, then it’s likely because you’re the subject of it. But just for you, I’ll do an example, because you probably wouldn’t mind a model to practice out your next dose of drama with.

Blogger#1 posts a blog entry with a slightly passive aggressive tone, but nothing worth really noting.

Plurker#1 reads the post and goes off on a tangent on Plurk, calling Blogger#1 homophobic/xenophobic/sexist/racist/emoist/idiot/freenis.

Blogger#1 responds to the Plurk and writes a nasty response to get back at them.  Plurker#1’s friends all feel like they have to be offended too, and go to Blogger#1’s blog to leave nasty anonymous comments.

Plurker#1 then goes to their blog and bothers to write something with is longer than 140 characters, and winds up with something nonsensical, catty and venomous. Blogger#1’s snarky friends turn up to make stupid comments on the blog entry, and Plurker#1’s friends respond in the same entry, creating a huge orgy of empty-mindedness which the blogosphere turns up to see.

Then sections of the blogosphere decide they want to take sides, and use posts on the feed and Flickr pics to illustrate their points.

Other people watching the chaos descend just sit on the sidelines and shake their heads, wondering how the hell these people are able to function without being locked up in a padded room.

Finally the whole thing just gets blown out of proportion and someone satirises the whole thing just to remind everyone how stupid it all is.

Confused yet? You should be.

Second Life in Graphs

Posted in Parody, Satire, Virtual Worlds with tags , , on February 22, 2009 by Prad

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You get this post – cause I got high…

Posted in Parody with tags , , , , on February 16, 2009 by ♥JellyBean♥

I was gonna clean my inventory until I got high
I was gonna get up and log in but then I got high
my inventory is still messed up and I know why
– cause I got high

I was gonna go hit the Dutch Touch sale before I got high
I coulda shopped and I coulda saved but I got high
I am paying full price now and I know why
– cause I got high

I was gonna go to ClockWork but then I got high
I just got a new Sine Wave dance but I got high
now I’m feeling like a dope and I know why
– cause I got high

I was gonna go to the Date Down Under Auction before I got high
I had a silent bidder on my phone but then we both got high
someone else got caLLie & Truth and now we know why
– cause we got high

I wasn’t gonna plurk but I was high
I wanted to fight with Tenshi and share my high
But she deleted me and now I know why
– cause I got high

I was gonna pay tier until I got high
I was gonna buy a Barnes house but then I got high
now Linden Labs has taken my land and I know why
– because I got high

I was gonna cyber you but then I got high
I was gonna fire up the sexgen bed too but then I got high
now I’m all alone and I know why
– cause I got high

I messed up my entire slife because I got high
I didn’t make Encore’s list because I got high
now I’m camping at Lost Dog and I know why
– cause I got high

I’m gonna stop writing this blog because I’m high
I’m blogging this whole thing wrong because I’m high
and if no one reads it I know why
– cause I’m high