Prim Penis + Poseballs = Partnership?

I have a partner.  Granted his name is not listed in that little partner box in my profile, and his picture is not listed under my picks.  I have never hopped on a pose ball with him, or admired his prim penis.  But he is my partner nonetheless.  My partner in both worlds has only logged onto Second Life once. 

I have never experienced a strictly Second Life partnership.   I imagine that like real life relationships that each one is very unique, and the hows and whys of a virtual relationship may be even harder to define.   In both worlds, I have encountered couples that spend almost every moment possible together, and those that function quite well from afar.   Some couples would call their partner their best friend, while others insist that having time for other friendships is what makes their relationship so strong. 

I could spend hours telling you the intricate ins and outs of my marriage, but obviously what works for us would most likely never work for any other couple.  Personal dynamics of a marriage or long term partnership are just that personal. 

I’ve heard horror stories of marriages ending through one or both parties complete immersion into SL, but for every tale of despair, there is one of hope.  Connections made through computer screens that end in years of real life bliss.   Of course, sometimes the two stories are related.   Sometimes, real life happiness of a Second Life partnership may only come after the horror of a marriage ending.   Of course, I know that Second Life doesn’t end relationships, people end relationships.   The “injured party” may rebel and claim, “If you weren’t glued to that computer screen all the time, we could have worked through our problems.”   Perhaps the inability to work through the problems is what caused the online immersion and not vice versa….  Who knows? 

I enjoy the social aspect of Second Life.  The social aspect is what drives everything else that I’m into in world.   I shop for and dress Daila with the intention of going some place to be social.  Are there times that I log on and spend hours without even talking to another avatar?  Well of course, but my ultimate goal is to get to know others and make connections.  What better way to waste time then by discovering how others tick?  I also flirt.  I knew the moment that I logged on that being social and flirting while married could lead to sticky situations.  


So how do I juggle my need to flirt and get to know others with the more important goal of ensuring that my marriage is healthy and my partner doesn’t feel neglected?  First, I ensure that time spent in world is not time I could be spending with him.  His work schedule is very busy, so normally when I’m online he’s not home or otherwise occupied.  Second, I try to keep an open and honest dialogue with him about my online activities.  

I involve him as much as he wants to be involved and sometimes even more so.  I ask his opinion on skin, hair, clothes, pictures and blog posts.   Most of the time, I can tell he could care less, but he loves me and in turn tries to be interested in what interests me.  Sometimes, I even spend time talking to him about blog drama, and he gives me an outsider’s perspective.  I know that a lot of times he may see my SL interactions as silly, but he has never demeaned the time I spend here.  Though, I do think he was somewhat relieved after my first year when I lost interest.  Now, he knows that my interest in SL can be fleeting, and I can go weeks without logging in, and he accepts that there are times when I’m online every day. 

As far as my social interactions in SL are concerned, there have been a few times when jealousy arose, or he felt that I crossed some invisible line in regards to the topics I discussed with members of the opposite sex.  His most common response when I’ve talked to the same opposite sex avatar for long periods on multiple occasions is I don’t like that guy.  He says it jokingly, but that’s usually my warning sign that I may be getting too close.   I know there have been a few rare occasions when I’ve ignored the warnings signs and trudged into uncharted territory, but as always my interest waned, and things went back to normal quickly. 

Over the years, I learned that certain things make him feel better regarding my time online.  I encourage him to be in the room while I’m online.  The password to my Second Life is now always typed in.  It wasn’t always that way, but it just makes things easier on all fronts to have it that way.  He’s on my Plurk line, though he’s never really commented on my plurks.  In fact, I don’t think he has even logged on in months.  We have our boundaries that we don’t’ cross.  He doesn’t read my email, and I don’t read his texts.  Though, if either felt the need, I’m sure we could reach some understanding. 

I know that many would say that my pseudo-flirting online may be a time bomb waiting to explode, but after almost three years in SL, I think I learned some bomb defusing skills.  A few people tell me that as open as I am, that they feel I put up invisible barriers that don’t encourage intimacy.  I know that whatever barriers someone may feel that I put up are unintentional.  But perhaps, I only have so much intimacy to give, and it’s all taken up by real life at the moment.

I wanted to do this post as a two-parter in which I told my side and have him tell his, but he seemed reluctant to write a post.  We did do a little question and answer session about my time online and his thoughts, but almost every question was summed up with one basic answer, “Whatever makes you happy baby. “  And that actually sums up my opinion too.  As much as I love SL and my friends here, and as stubborn as I can be, if he asked me to give it up, I’d never log on again.  Though, I really hope he never does!  I would expect that I’d know and be able to give it up on my own, before it ever reached that point.  At least I like to think so.


2 Responses to “Prim Penis + Poseballs = Partnership?”

  1. I enjoyed this post and love how open you are with your partner. As someone who has studied the effects online communities can have on real world marriages, I think your approach is healthy and should be encouraged.

  2. Your relationship sounds very similar to my own with my husband. I managed to entice him into Second Life, because I wanted him to understand what I was talking about. And he hangs around sometimes, but there isn’t the huge interest value in it for him. However he supports me in paying for the land tier fees regularly, and I take him around on hunts themed for men, which he enjoys.

    I have an open honestly also with my husband – he knows my passwords, and can read my emails if he wants but he doesn’t. I also tend to be on second life at night, in front of him.

    So saying that, if he and I are in SL together and encounter anybody new, I never introduce him as my RL partner, just as a friend. And I’ve noticed he’s not done the same for introducing me. For me, Second Life is an opportunity to flirt again, meet new people, and to be young(er) and prettier than I could ever be in RL. And I therefore don’t put on a partner onto my profile, because in SL, I consider my RL husband to simply be a friend.

    We have tried out the occasional poseballs together, however – and it’s worked wonders on our sex life, if that’s anything to go by. And we both enjoy actually being able to dance – properly and smoothly together within Second Life. And he can show a bit of jealousy if a male avatar approaches or tries to chat up mine while he’s around. So I am picking up the signs of what is comfortable for both of us, and what I should TP out of, when we’re together. I’ve only been in SL for 6 months, however, so still a lot to learn about boundaries – my own and his.

    My husband works long hours too. When he gets home, he’s more inclined to watch sports TV to relax rather than go onto SL. And I support him in those pursuits also – whatever makes him happy. But they say that men have one thing in mind in a life-relationship. It makes them happy to know that their partner is happy and content. And if SL is making me happy, then he is happy with that. My sharing of it with him, whether with verbal updates, or the occasional thing in-world is another way of making us both happier “together”.

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