Tell Me Baby…

Once upon a time, the adoption agencies that populated the grid were the answer to the prayers of some of the barren residents of SL. SL child welfare authorities were busy and happy… matching loving avatar couples with the creepy-grown-adult-playing-a-child spawn they so craved. The sounds of “Sissssssssssssssyyyyyyyyyyyyy” and the lilting “I love you buh bye” were music to the ears of parents to be everywhere.

Sadly this is no longer the case. As adoption agencies now turn away the rising number of unwanted and orphaned child AV’s due to overcrowding, one must wonder what the reason is.

Meet Baby Chris 1.0. Previously known only for peddling pets, Zooby’s has launched onto the child-for-sale scene with their introduction of      Baby Chris.

“Things used to be so complicated,” explains Baby Chris in a rather gravely and raspy voice. He throws back a shot of whiskey as he ponders his next words. “With kid aveez, parents were always havin to deal with personality and crap….,”

BC erupts into a coughing fit and stares at the lit end of his cigar accusingly. “Me? Well, I’m the new generation. HA HA HA. There’s no ‘person’ behind this baby,” he continues, punctuating the air around him with his finger quotes. “Log out for a few hours a day so I can get some damn peace and quiet and I’m good to go.”

Touted as SL’s best babies, Zoobys are quickly taking the grid by storm. One look at their angelic faces and guaranteed cooing and awwing will follow. Plus, there are so many options, your SL will be fun-filled with an adorable accessory you can show all your friends!

Amazingly life-like, they can sleep, crawl, talk, sit, and even breastfeed! “Except that Morgan one!” BC sputters. “Poor sap all handicapped with those fangs… good thing he doesn’t care he’s missin all that melon action. Know what I’m sayin’? HA HA HA.” Once again, Chris is interupted by coughing fit as I subtly roll my eyes.

Seems like these itty bitty, cooing, sweet-smelling angels are a dream come true, right? We were not convinced. We decided to get another perspective from one orphaned child avatar, named Star (real name changed to protect the wanna-be minor).

Star explains her need to explore her inner child through the use of a creepy child av,”I didn’t feew wike I had the reaw wife chiwdhood I detherved. Sure, my parenth were rich, and I wath thpoiled but I need to feew dithipwine, and I kinda wike getting thpanked.”

What did the unanticipated arrival of Baby Chris 1.0 mean for Star?

“My parenth were no wonger interethed in me,” Star says and the corners of her pouty mouth turn down. The details of the ordeal that followed are horrifying.

“I wath wocked in a cewl while they pwayed wif their new toy,” she says. I can see the big puppy dog tears welling in her eyes at the memory. “My SL parenth woved me I thought.” One fat tear rolls down her face.

It was the natural progression of your slife. Be a noob, find a poseball partner, make it official by adding that person to your lil box, then the palatial estate and marriage. The next step will always be to start your new family. Perhaps with a repressed guy from South Dakota who would like to rp as your new bouncing baby boy.

For one child who had enjoyed such a charmed existence – safe in the loving picks of her ‘parents’ – thoughts of driving cross country in her own diaper to gain closure over the failed parent/child relationship began to seem reasonable.

“Messy!” declares Baby Chris. “Folks are so needy. You won’t get any of those nagging emotional needs to fill with a Zooby Baby.” He winks as he looks at me, “what you will get is a guaranteed bundle of motha effing joy, pink cheeks and the silencing of your biological whosit.”

“Thure, theth babieth are great if you’re a thocially awkward, materiawistic fathionithta who needth a lil thomething new on their arm,” adds Star bitterly.

This has  been a collaboration of JellyBean Madison and Rosie Shark. We’ve all seen the craze. What are your thoughts on Child AV’s and prim babies?

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11 Responses to “Tell Me Baby…”

  1. melaniekiddofsl Says:

    Viva la SL, I say. Purple skin, automaton babies… whatever floats your boat without cruelly hurting anyone.

  2. I’m laughing my ass off.

    Keep the breastfeeding Zooby babies and keep the perpetually orphaned child AVs too. I’ve had a tiny peek into what they commonly refer to as “Kid World” and for the most part it seems to be a stew pot of drama drama drama. No THANK you!

  3. Oh man I am laughing so hard. Great piece, seriously.
    My opinion:
    I have a friend that was a really cool adult avi to hang out with, but then she decided to make an alt with a child avi. I can’t even be in the same room as her without being THOROUGHLY annoyed. I know plenty of 8 year olds that can speak perfectly well, why do they all have to talk like idiots?
    Child avis in general annoy the hell out of me, but I don’t really care if people do it.
    Prim babies should all be burned. Really they should.
    ❤ CJ

  4. As close to yellow journalism at it gets. Normally I don’t comment and I shake my head at the ones blasting your opinions–but, wow, just wow. Yet more “Play SL my way” rhetoric.

    Yes, the majority of Second Life children are annoying. I will give you that. But to portray them as if they all are or they all have some sap story to explain their avatar choice is just..(drum roll) childish. Just like any other group on SL there are some people that aren’t annoying, don’t have brain damage, and aren’t drama.

    I golf clap at how quickly you pass judgment on something you so slowly caught onto. The babies have been blogged into oblivion by pretty much everyone–funny thing is, even if they didn’t understand it, they weren’t hardly as fashionista and cruel as you two managed to be. LOLZ BARREN PPL BUY PRIM BBY, LOLZ.

    I guess SL would just be so much more fun if we sat around judging everything and everyone! Oh look! Another smokey eyed blond and another catgirl.

    melaniekiddofsl is right, if it harms no one why make a fuss over it? I usually check here for something insightful or interesting–not something like this.

    Sad to see someone’s hard work put down like that. Just a shame.

    • Lizzie Lexington Says:

      Child AVs and prim babies – I think its a potential rat hole of drama and hurt feelings. I say if they have a need to be role play being a child again the person may be better off finding a Rogerian therapist and participate in good ole’ fashioned empty chair therapy! Address the issues instead trying to reinvent the past. But if the person is looking at this as a form of creativity such as a one child AV creator I have met, thats a bit different in my book.

      Besides that this piece was HILARIOUS. Sarcasm is such fun in Lizzie’s book!

  5. Lizzie Lexington Says:

    Oh odd I hit reply to Shocked’s post – didnt meant to do that.

  6. that there was just funny. Although I find prim babies to be extremely creepy……I wonder where these ‘pictures’ are coming from to make them. I keep thinking a mom somewhere is going to log in and suddenly see her child’s face in a pixelated mom’s arm. Eeps!

  7. EvilAngel Says:

    This sounds alot like Grim Babies to me, which has been around since May of 2006.

    True they don’t look like Grim Babies, but the story that comes with every Grim Baby was one of the things that set them apart from all the other prim babies in SL.

    I really hope that I don’t see a version of these stories in the future with these prim babies. I’m surprised that JellyBean would create this kind of story, as familiar as she is with Grim Babies and their stories.

  8. ♥JellyBean♥ Says:

    @EvilAngel
    hahaha What?!! How am *I* so familiar with Grim babies? I know of them but I don’t even own one! That’s hilarious though. The Zooby babies are nothing like Grim, and they don’t come with stories either, as far as I know. Grim babies are more like dolls as opposed to Zooby that are suppose to be more like real babies/children.

    *shakes head at the necessity of explaining any of this*

  9. Eve Petlyakov Says:

    As close to yellow replying at it gets. Normally I don’t comment and I shake my head at you going out of your way to blast anyone’s opinions–but, wow, just wow. Yet more “Blog my way” rhetoric.

    Yes, the majority of Second Life children are annoying. I will give you that. But to portray Jelly and Rosie as if they’re *not* blogging in a humorous way is just..(drum roll) childish. Just like any other group on SL there are some people that aren’t annoying, don’t have brain damage, and aren’t drama.[sic] Why can’t you be one of them?

    I golf clap at how quickly you pass judgment on something you obviously didn’t catch onto. The babies have been blogged into oblivion by pretty much everyone–funny thing is, even as you don’t seem to understand it, you weren’t hardly as judgemental and short-sighted as you could have managed to be. LOLZ YOU NEED A COOKIE, LOLZ.

    I guess SL would just be so much more fun if we sat around judging everything and everyone! Oh look! Another over critical blog watcher with no sense of humor.

    melaniekiddofsl is right, if it harms no one why make a fuss over it? I usually check here for something insightful or interesting–not something like this.

    Sad to see someone’s hard work put down like that. Just a shame.

    I couldn’t have written it better myself…obviously.

  10. Prim babies and child avatars. In my eyes it’s all normal. This game is called Second Life, and there are children and babies in real life, so why not in second life. It’s just part of the pack. I do admit that more then 2 child avatars are usually very annoying. I hate their language. We all know there is an adult behind this tiny little child so we all know you can talk normally so please do so. But if they talk normal, and act normal (more or less) i am perfectly find with it. I have had some myself, not all angels and not all as fun. Every single one is diffirent, so if you are interested in any way in the family life, give them a chance and don’t judge to early. An as far as prim babies reach, the best invention for someone who wants a family. It’s a one time cost, when you get bored of it you stuff it in your inventory and it doesn’t ask for more attention then you can/wish to give it. So i am glad they excist.

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