You can pick your list, you can pick your partner, but can you pick your partner’s list?

So today, I am going to attempt to do something which I know I am not supposed to do.  I am going to write a blog post in which there is really only one correct answer, but I don’t really agree with the correct answer so I am going to argue against it. You see, I firmly believe that you should have zero input over your partner’s friends list.  Everything is built on trust between the two individuals, and quite frankly if you don’t have trust then you really don’t have much of a relationship.

That is unless…     the sucker is extremely anti-me and chooses to do things to try to break us apart, in which case I think he should get the ax, be gone, sayonara, adios, don’t look back, and I don’t ever really wanna hear about him again.  You see, I am not really a jealous type.  In fact, Jell has a few exes that I actually enjoy having around and we are both great friends with today.  It isn’t the fact of who did what with whom how and over what sorta apparatus.  Although, I do exhibit a bit of a curiosity at times, and have a partner in life who is rather sharing in that department… so yes, I know all the gory “little” details (or did she make up the whole little part for my benefit,  hmmmmm surely not.)

Although, I am not the jealous type, I do from time to time have to step up and smack down those who get a little too fresh with their advances just cuz there is still a line you do not cross.  I feel this is just part and parcel though of having a hot witty girlfriend.  I remember a few private plurks that got me fired up, or the time in Tiny Empires when I was ready to disown 1/2 my line after a higher up said they like to “spread their Jelly and then eat it” in our family chat.   Luckily a verbal beat down was able to rectify that situation, since I was shown the chat.  There was also the creepyish guy who kept trying to get Jell to come to his house after openly talking about his swinging lifestyle and making open advances.  Even if you aren’t jealous, as a guy there is still a point in time when you are ready to take it to the parking lot regardless.

Now I am not saying everybody has to like me to be on her list.  I tend to have what is perceived as a rather strong personality type, and I draw both admiration and the ire of some, because I just cannot keep quiet when I see things that piss me off.  I tend to be vocal about things, but I will say that I am honest to my perception of things (because there is always a filter that impacts honesty).  I just don’t have that little filter in me, that thinks through the ramifications of being honest before I start just sorta laying it out there for people.  So needless to say, I get along great with most people, but at times hafta take crap off others who disagree with my views.

I assume that there are other couples out there who have people who either hold a candle for their old flame still even though she is with you, or who don’t appreciate you the way your partner does and think your partner could do better in life, etc.  This situation is not unusual on the grid, but there are those who then seek to actively undermine your relationship, and those are the one’s who need to be cut off at the knees.  At some point, helpful protestations turn the corner past just wishing the best for you, and become an agenda item.  I don’t think I am stepping outside my bounds in saying that I really would rather that such and such person is no longer part of our lives.  For the record, out of the hundreds of friends on Jell’s list this really came down to only 2 people.

For the record, although I asked for them to be removed, they remained on her list until such time as one deleted his character, and the other has been on and off her list for as long as she has been on the grid.  I am curious though as to your honest perception about managing your partner’s list.  Obviously, I feel there is very little input you should give, but what if they are intentionally trying to drive a wedge or saying things about you that just are not true?  Do you feel you have a right to make a case for their removal?   To demand it?  Or just to be honest with your concerns and feelings to your partner?

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14 Responses to “You can pick your list, you can pick your partner, but can you pick your partner’s list?”

  1. is Jelly dreaming of Killian?! LOL

  2. hawksrock Says:

    No, (s)he(it) was one of the “2” in this case. 😉

  3. Noice post! I was actually burnt by a partner that was with just about every female on *our* lists (except close CLOSE friends of mine) while we were together, repeatedly… yet when voicing my concerns like you, I was told I was basically a paranoid control freak 😀

    I think the same can go for friends, some of my friends have people on their list that I want to stab so hard in the face it’s not real, hell there are some people on MY list I want to stab in the fact at times, but saying that if I were to be with someone again and there was someone on my list they really didn’t like.. whether it be hitting on me or just being on of those stupid clingy friends, I probably wouldn’t remove, i’d just go invisibubble to them…

    While I don’t think you can fairly assume anyone to be removed there is such a thing as compromise!

  4. Heidi Halberstadt Says:

    Gotta love that you know you shouldn’t mess with your partner’s list, but are honest enough to admit you sure want to at times. And no, you’re not the only one, either. Lucky for me that my partner was disappointed enough in a supposed friend’s reaction to us partnering that he deleted her before I could even think on the ramifications about her lurking in the background.

  5. Honesty in telling said partner then allowing them to decide for themselves. Especially if it’s a long standing friend because it’s hard to realize and see that those are the ones that may not be as supportive as you think they are.

  6. Your partner may not be your partner some time in the future. She/He will then be reminded of the friends She/he lost by removing them from His/her list at the request of an unsecure, untrusting person.

  7. Jealous much? Says:

    You’re not jealous, but you feel compelled to write this article as a subtle hint to your precious JB? In fact, you’re so not the jealous type that you had to remind us several times in the article?

    You are so not the jealous type that you apparently ordered your ‘trophy wife’ to remove her friends who make you feel insecure from her friends list? And since she didn’t do it, you want to use this medium to accomplish exactly what? Make her look horrible? If no, then you failed miserably, and in the process, made yourself look like a insecure whiny brat.

    You two are together RL, and you are worried about computer people? Didn’t you post some drivel about how to have a great relationship earlier on this very blog? Now you’re trying to post a “I’m not jealous, but her friends make me jealous, not really, but yes” article?

    This whole article makes you look petty, ridiculous, and incredibly childish. Nice work there. Instead of her friends trying to break you apart, if JB can read between the lines, your selfishness may do it for you.

    Now I’ll wait for the predictable “yeah, but you’re anonymous” retorts.

  8. hawksrock Says:

    @Jealous, or should I call you hypocrite going after Prad, or just Mr in a really bad mood from Chicago using hidemyass to look like you are from Chicago? hmmmm. This comment actually made me literally laugh out loud, so thank you for that. You obviously have some sort of personal interest in this matter, but you obviously don’t know the dynamic Jell and I have because if you think I actually “ordered her” to do anything or that she was unaware or broadsided by this post, then you are hmmmm, what’s the word I am looking for…. NUTS?? lol

    In fact, she reviewed it and did the pic for me. This entire post is indeed meant to show there is a dichotomy of interests, in that I don’t believe in changing Jell’s list at all, but I do think there are people like yourself who are overly negative and come after us as a couple for whatever reason that is unique to their psychology. I do not think such people are healthy for us, and I would prefer they disappear. This still doesn’t mean I am going to force anything. I have nothing against people of either sex that are friends with JB or even past flames, as long as they check their baggage at the door so to speak.

    You brought up the anon part yourself, so you must already be aware of the lack of courage that comes with that, so I won’t bother running you through the ringer on it here. 😉

    Congrats on at least getting the precious part right though, cuz she is indeed pretty precious to me, and a lot of other people both in this virtual and RL world.

  9. I had a feeling! And by dreaming I meant the bubbles over her head.

    Great post. LOL

    See ya on plurk hawkyboy!

  10. Jealous much? Says:

    Thanks for being truly predictable. You don’t want to change her list at all, and yet, you state: “For the record, although I asked for them to be removed”.

    Nice contradiction.

  11. hawksrock Says:

    Thank you for finally understanding the point of the post, which is that there IS a contradiction. Look up the word dichotomy if you don’t know what it means. Nice contradiction is exactly what you are supposed to get out of it, so I am glad you finally see the light.

  12. ♥JellyBean♥ Says:

    O hai!

    Stepping in since this *is* about my list. Anyone who knows and/or reads Hawks knows he has strong opinions and anyone who knows and/or reads me knows that I don’t do well with being “told” anything. He & I share a common “Fuck Authority” mentality… So if anyone actually thought that I’d cave or give into a demand from him or anyone, or that he was dictating anything to me, well then I guess you missed the point of the post and you really don’t know us as a couple or individually.

    And for future reference – I tend to ignore anons because well if you don’t have the balls to stand behind what you say – I see your point as weak and no longer valid.

    Thanks for thinking I’m a trophy & precious though. I know I am but it’s great to see that others take notice. 😉

  13. *pointedly ignores anonymous poster*

    I feel that you have every right to ask her to edit her list for you, and she has every right to say no. I admit, there are people I would like removed from my partner’s friends list, and I will be taking that up with him shortly. 😉

  14. doveswanson Says:

    The only time I have an issue is when like you said, the person is a destructive force to our relationship. But honestly, I feel that if he had that sort of person on his list and kept them there, it’s kind of disrespectful to me and to us and what we have. Why would you *want* to be friends with the type of person who would disrespect the person you love? I guess that’s my take on it.

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