Sexual battery by Plurk?

If you aren’t using plurk yet, then you most likely will want to make the jump after this post, because you are missing out on all the next wave of discussion, drama, and divas.

In the real world, a man can get arrested, put in jail, and made to register as a sex offender for as long as life for sexual battery if he rubs up against a woman’s breast in a crowded bar. It could be intentional, it could be unintentional, but if the court deems it as unwanted contact, then the man can be tried, convicted, and sentenced for that crime. Obviously things tend to break down and get a little fuzzy when you are dealing with virtual environments. It seems that some believe it is socially acceptable for a man to have a sexual fantasy of lesbian sex, role play as a woman, and then try to initiate sexual relations within the context of every thread that he touches. If the person is believed to have achieved a certain level of publicity, then at that point they can attempt to hide behind past recognition, as an excuse as to why they can get away with their behavior.

I have been personally contacted by 6 women (of which I refuse to list names but they know who they are) who have at some point in time been on the receiving end of sexual overtones such as those shown here. The one thing they have in common, is that they were all initiated by the infamous CodeBastard Redgrave, or Codie as she likes to be known in plurk. I am not dismissing any of the accomplishments that Codie has done in world, no matter how sick I get of hearing them recited every time she gets in a verbal sparring match with someone. I haven’t spent a lot of time with Codie in world, so I am largely biased by the version of her personality that I see portrayed on plurk. The question at hand, is if it is ethical to throw yourself at every woman in plurk who speaks with you knowing full well that some are very responsive to it, while others are not going to be as receptive?

Many women are intimidated by the public forum, and afraid to just say, “No,” out of either shyness or a fear to make waves in what is a relatively small close knit group of SLers on plurk. Does that then justify the overly aggressive actions of one Avastar of 2007, who also made the machinima cam (which I have never used to make my machinima, but I am sure helps the noobs who are getting started filming)?

It appears that one woman’s boyfriend got a little upset, and decided that he was going to jump into a thread and try to make his point be heard.

Here is the plurk that got me started, which has been shortened somewhat, and I added the italics with the commentary:

<!–[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <![endif]–>

Initial Plurk:

CeN says I really want to meet and hang out with a bunch of you in SL, you guys feel like friends for real:

Innocent ramblings:

21:46 CeN says even if we only “talk” via plurk

21:46 HarleyQuinn says i’ll sniff you again

21:51 CeN says last time we met was pretty funny actually

21:49 Codie even me? *makes puppy eyes*

21:53 QuillowC is up for that

21:50 CeN says of course codie even though I did get to fangirl observe you twice from a quiet corner

21:52 Codie giggles.. oh nuuuuu im just little people, don’t go fangirl on me! let’s go shopping instead XD

21:53 CeN says I snuck up really close during your Rouge opening to peek at you

21:56 HarleyQuinn says lol codie is fun to hang out with.. just the other night she was perched on a column at my house

22:02 Codie hahahaha i was Nimil and i actually had fun being with you guys even if i was boring and photoshopping XD

22:01 Codie did you CeN? did you take smutty pictures and sent them to the Herald? mmmmm? *giggles

22:06 CeN says LOL no I was too busy checking out half naked SLebrities dancing. Nothing like seeing your idol naked or half naked to make your day

22:08 Codie LOL

22:08 Chestnut Daughtry was naked at Rouge? What?

22:06 CeN says nope but I got up close and personal to my girl-crush and she was close to naked

22:09 CeN thinks Daughtry

Enter Upset Boyfriend:

22:09 Sands says Are there any celebrities on SL that have got attention due to their talents and not them pulling their panties off at sight of a crowd ?

22:10 HarleyQuinn thinks CeN needs to be less shy

22:10 Chestnut Sands I would say yes. Many.

22:08 CeN says quite a few Sands, most in fact

22:10 CeN says it was a lingerie party, and I got to see someone I admire greatly for her talents wearing lingerie, which was cool made her seem “normal”

22:14 CeN says approachable and just a reguarly person like the rest of us

22:15 Sands says; thats more what I was talking about

22:16 Sands says I love and cherrish talented people, I have been lucky enough to come across many of them online and rl and learn so much from.

22:17 Sands says but i carry absolutely no respect for those that grab attention by pulling their pants down.

22:13 CeN says Sands, please, not here ok?

22:30 Bella thinks people need to skip plurks that bother them. It’s all in good fun.

22:27 Bella is lucky she has gotten to meet many wonderful Plurkies in SL. Including CeN!!

22:33 Miss Bettye keeps her mouth shut

22:34 CeN says don’t worry Bettye

22:32 Sands says I’m not gonna say anything since Cen asked me not to. to each their own.

22:35 CeN says thank you Sands

Hawks of course has to stir the pot and try to make a point:

22:34 HawksRock says I would just like to say, that to the extent Sands is saying, some people attention whore through just trying to be all about sex…

22:34 HawksRock says then I agree completely. Slex is a cool thing, but when you are trying to jump on every person on plurk, that is wrong, because often it

22:35 HawksRock says unwanted, and unwarranted by the recipient

22:36 HawksRock says I get that a lot of guys like lesbian sex, but to play a woman and then jump every woman, is carrying it a lil far…

22:39 HawksRock says okay, I will shup now…

22:37 Washu I personally would like to be respected for what I do in SL, but not be judged if I do at any time decide to prance around SL naked.

22:37 Washu We have met before CeN but it was mostly for business and I was busy

22:34 Washu So I am sorry if I seemed flighty or mean or anything!

22:41 CeN says well… LOL… Washu it was great meeting you even if it was just brief and business, we’ll meet again I’m sure

22:41 Miss Bettye says thank you Cen and I agree with you Hawk.

22:41 HawksRock says oh, and I would love to hang out with Cen… but I might get in trouble for speaking my mind…

22:42 CeN says no never HawksRock, it’s not about speaking your mind, there is just bleh… lots of other stuff and Sands knows why I asked him to hold

22:42 Miss Bettye says lol

22:43 HawksRock says sok, I think I will go blog it… cuz that’s how I roll…

22:40 CeN says Sands if you want go for it, not for me to ask you to hold back I’m sorry that was wrong, I just wanted a nice friendly plurk

22:41 Miss Bettye wonders about it

The I’m more important than you:

22:49 Codie feels a bit sorry for Sands. i surely got SLeb because i pull my panties down.. of course.

22:53 Codie surely have no talent that can justify her Avastar of 2007 award.

22:51 Codie surely cannot script like a pro and happened to make nice products, and surely cannot do SL photography and decent post-processing.

22:54 Sands says Codie I don’t care who you are, but my life and relaitonship is a doormat for absolutely nobody

22:54 Codie and when did I step on you, Sands?

The argument loses focus as the attacks become personal:

22:55 Sands says You have an unattractive AV, dressed horrible (i work in fashion irl) and you cyber like a 15 year old virgin.

22:55 Sands says You need to realize who I am, as far as online “celeb” image goes, there are more people that know me than there are people here on plurk

22:56 Codie oh my god *chuckles*

22:56 Sands says i just mind my own business and don’t bring up my image. I don’t walk around and cast my image on people.

22:56 Codie and you are currently not doing exactly that?

22:56 HawksRock thinks that on Codie’s grave, it is going to read here lies the Avastar of 2007.

22:56 Sands says You have absolutely no right to talk to my girlfriend the way you did on that plurk page.

22:57 Codie and who is your girlfriend exactly?

22:57 Sands says If you feel like being the server whore, go for it. Though next time you feel like you have the right to tell my girlfriend to

22:58 Sands says go down on you publicly, be ready for me to express my thoughts publicly about you

22:58 Sands says frankly, you think taking a couple of pictures and posting them online takes talent ?

22:58 Codie i still don’t know who exactly your girlfriend is

22:58 Sands says only thing seperates you from the rest of the people on sl is you have trouble keeping your panties on when there is a vrowd

22:59 Sands says *crowd

23:00 Sands says LOL Hawks

22:57 Codie if you mean your GF is Quaintly, she never stated that fact when she willingly participated to that plurk

23:01 Sands says Meara

23:02 Codie Meara never stated to me she was involved with anyone either. if its the case, i sincerely apologize

23:02 Miss Bettye clicks ‘block’

23:02 Alicia get nervous and screams “Look what I can do!”

23:02 Sands says I don’t need an apology from you.

23:03 Miss Bettye says Alicia

23:04 Codie i give it to you anyways, because i dont play with anyone that is involved in a closed relationship. im truely sorry.

23:03 HawksRock is going to call Jellybean to make sure she doesn’t miss out on the fun.

23:06 MoiraC says awww….plurk has been great for making friends!

23:07 Codie i thought so too Moira, but i’m having second thoughts

23:08 HawksRock says Codie, the reality is that you jump every woman on here, and many of em are not comfy with it. I know this first hand.

23:08 Sands says btw Codie its a shame you are from Montreal, Montreal is known for its trends and fashion

23:05 HawksRock says most are not willing to make a stir about it, because they don’t want to create any ruckus, but I could list 6 off my head right now

23:08 Codie if they were not comfortable, why would they participate?

23:09 MoiraC hugs Codie aww hun….Im sorry! *snuggles*

23:09 HawksRock says they don’t, honestly…

23:06 Sands says exactly hawk, some are afraid to speak up because of “public image” but this she knocked on the wrong door

Unfortunately, things deteriorated and ended up with his girlfriend outing him for encouraging threesomes, and for not being supportive of her, then a public breakup, followed by a reuniting and circling of the wagons. I mean who really need sitcoms? I’m not sure that the fallout changes my initial point though. Are unwanted sexual advances somehow socially more acceptable in a virtual space, than they are in RL?

You tell me. Now commence with the we ❤ Codie propaganda, because I have no doubt that Codie has lots of redeeming qualities, but I am commenting solely on the public overload of sexual overtones which I have witnessed first hand as being handed out like beads at mardi gras. I know it has made my friends uncomfortable, and I also know that many more have been discussing it offline as being pretty repugnant at best. What do you think?


52 Responses to “Sexual battery by Plurk?”

  1. You know, I personally find all the Plurk licking and canoodling a bit too much, but if I don’t want to read/participate in/observe the plurk thread, I don’t have to. To each their own, I say, and if Codie is really bothersome, there’s no need to follow her or her buddies, right?

  2. i think she’s fun… :/ i stand behind her because she’s been there for me in some tough times as a friend. sure she’s a little sexual but dammit we’re adults and if you don’t like something close the fucking window… don’t get involved if you don’t want to. simple as that.

  3. Seikatsu Koba Says:

    I’m a straight woman, and I have come to conclude that lesbians, like men, will make a pass at you and move forward into more daring situations if the woman allows them to do so. I can only say to those women who approached you Hawk, if Codie were a man, would you have allowed him to pull you into something you don’t want to do, if yes, then you really need to learn to stand up for yourself and hold your own. If you won’t allow a man to pull you into something you don’t want, what keeps you from stopping Codie? It is up to the receiver to stop the behavior if it is unwanted.

    Codie has never made a pass at me, so I can’t say she has been abusive in anyway; to the contrary she has been very respectful with me. I think she is forward in matters of sex with people who have given her the impression that is okay to do so; in my opinion like any man would do.

  4. If someone is offended by someone else being overly sexual to them, they should speak up – no matter WHO the other person is. Females are taught that “No means no” pretty early, but if you can’t say no in a plurk, well then that’s YOUR issue.

    I’m not taking sides here. I only know Codie through plurk and I met her once in world when she came to a party I was DJing. But I will say that she has never hit on me or tried to plurk-cyber me or anything, and I believe that’s because I have always been open with the fact that I’m in a relationship. Is she very sexual? Sure. But she doesn’t hide it. If I think a thread is getting to be too much for ME to read, I mute it. It really is that simple.

  5. I think its a shame that people make comments about other people before taking the time to get to know them. Plurk is an experiment for everyone. We are going to make mistakes as we learn and grow. I completely agree with Seikatsu…Codie flirts when the door is left open. If someone isn’t comfortable with it they can very well close the door politely and no harm is done. I have the benefit of knowing Codie in world. She is generous and friendly, talented and kind. She always has great people surrounding her and makes everything she does fun for the people she does them with. Even if its as simple as sitting near a camping chair and greeting people who pop in and out. I think this whole episode is childish and hurtful….we are adults, not petty children who should make fun of others and be hurtful. If we don’t like something or agree with it…have the guts to confront the person privately, address your issues and move on. Everyone will respect your opinions and feelings will be much less likely to be injured. This isn’t just about Codie….its about how you present yourself in a digital world/medium. Think about how you want others to see you, how you see yourself, and if you are happy with how things currently are. I think everyone would benefit from pressing pause and thinking over their words carefully.

  6. ♥JellyBean♥ Says:

    I feel that not saying no, is minor to the actual act of pushing yourself onto someone. It’s not just physical, it can be what you verbally state as well. There are many reasons why one does not say no and stays in an uncomfy state. Also, yes you can mute or block BUT what if you two have lots of mutual friends on plurk & it overlaps & you get caught in it?

    I know that most of the comments so far are all Codie love-fest defenders, but most of you are missing the actual point of the post. If it wasn’t Codie, how would YOU really feel?

  7. i would feel the same. no one can push me into anything. if i don’t want to be in a situation i leave. i log out. i click the X. i’m not a fucking pussy, i say no and i mean no and people around me know that. and they respect it. and if they don’t, then they can gtfo.

  8. Daila Holder Says:

    I think this topic is a great topic for intelligent and insightful debate in a manner in which no one gets hurt or offended.

    With that in mind, I hope that my thoughts and opinions can be expressed in a way that conveys no ill will or malice to anyone involved, especially the blogger.

    Sexual battery really? Are we going to use the term sexual battery? Please don’t let personal feelings sway you into using inflammatory language. I think the topic needed to be addressed, but to suggest that harmless flirting and a description of sexual relations between consenting adults on a sexual networking site is comparable to sexual battery demeans sexual battery victims.

    I give sexual harrassment training classes at work. I’m no expert, but the one fact we repeat over and over is if you feel uncomfortable, let a person know. Of course if you feel unsafe or fear retaliation, then of course you do not have to confront the person, but otherwise, most of the time that individual has no idea they are making you uncomfortable and would never continue doing so.

    I think what happens on Second Life and Plurk is the same thing that happens at college parties, people get carried away. If everyone else is doing it, so should I. We want approval by people we admire. Lucky for me I admire people who speak their mind in a fair and intelligent way.

    I can’t speak for anyone else, but let me tell you what I got out of the plurk and this blog post. Consider everyone’s feelings involved before you post something just for attention or to get a rise out of someone.

    I hope you appreciate my comments.

  9. If you don’t want to be part of Codie’s world, it seems quite easy. Block her Plurks, don’t join the CodeRed group, don’t read her blog, and don’t visit Rouge. Codie is a larger-than-life figure inworld, but certainly not ubiquitous enough that she’s unavoidable. And those of us who enjoy her presence, delight in her depravity, and are deeply moved by her generosity and kindness of spirit, can choose to appreciate who she is and what she brings to our world. Believe me, I am no sycophant – I will call Codie out, or anyone for that matter, if I feel the need to. And Codie is certainly not faultless – however, she does have a lot to indeed be proud of. But this is clearly a matter of drama being instigated for drama’s sake. If Sands had an issue with Codie talking to “his girl”, the mature way to handle it would have been in a private Plurk to Codie and be done with it.

  10. Why are people so pre-disposed to answer love with hate, joy with anger, and care with madness?

    *shakes head*

  11. OK, drama virus jumps from the grid to the plurkwille. That’s what we expected, right?

    Hawks, I really don’t understand one of your questions: who needs sitcoms? Like, you know how SL looks like. Drama is inherent to second life from the smallest parcel to the whole grid. And, just as in SL, if you don’t want it you just use the mute button.

    And the same goes for the girls that felt uncomfortable with some plurks. If you ignore it it doesn’t come back. If it does, send an IM and say “no”, loud and clear.

    I have no understanding for the boy, though. I mean, he sounds so territorial, like his g/f has collar with his name. And even if she has, making a public scene is not a nice behaviour. Bad manners. It’s supposed to be their private talk.

    But there is an important thing behind this. (Two of them, actually.) What makes sexual harassment in virtual environment? And, actually, what makes it in the meatspace?

  12. I’d like to add a few things. Putting aside personal attacks and all the fighting.

    I read a few reponses and the original blog, I agree with the “just say no if you are umcomfortable” arguement. Yes we can all say no if we don’t want something. However there is a problem with that, that leads to so many teen problems regarding sex and drugs in our times. Yes you can teach people to say no, but it is easy to forget how the enviorementcan effect our decisions. As the original blogger stated, “alot of feel uncomfortable to express disagreement due to the tight knot group of plurkers”. Think back to your high school days, all of us, at some point have been in a situation where we were afraid of our public image and popularity to state or do something that we didn’t believe in.

    Sure some of us may be strong enough to say no and not worry too much about our image. I know for a fact that some people have felt uncomfortable to say no to Codie’s advances (using this incident as an example) they were afraid that if they speak up they may be hated or disliked by the populare bandwagon. So in such a case, is it ok for the aggressor to keep on going forward ? Studies have proven that alot of teenagers suffer from depressions (of different forms) druing their times in high school and for majority of them the root of the problem is the community and how they are viewed by their peers.

    For me personally, this was never about what happened, because for the record, nothing happened between my girlfriend and Codie in that plurk. My girlfriend just ignored the comments. However she did tell me personally that she really couldn’t say anything because the fallout would bring alot of hate for her due to Codie’s popularity.

    That was one angle of the issue. It is difficult to say no sometimes for some people due to the reasons i mentioned above. Another issue here is respect. Lets forget this even involved Codie or is about Codie. Lets just use Mr.X and crowd Y. Mr.X walks into a room where crowd Y is hanging out and starts to make sexual advances on people, do you believe it is respectful to randomly pull whoever you see in your sight into a sexual act without even havign the courtesy to ask their permission ? If one of these people happens to be in a relaitonship, wouldn’t such a bold (trying to be nice :p) advance on the person be degrading and disrespectful to both the person and their partner ?

    the third problem here arises when the aggressor uses the “im better than you” attitude to get away with whatever they wiss. How many people were upset that Parris Hilton got out of jail or with what MJ got away with ? Both celebrities have been painted as trashy by majority, how upsetting was it to most people that they were the offenders and aggressors and they hide behidn their celebrity image to get away with what they did.

    To me personally, I have a long list of acomplishments, I speak from someone who is and been a celebrity online. I am and have been the most decorated pvper (player vs player) in mmo games since 2003, top EQ2 rated player worldwide, I was the best duelist on SWG from 2003 and became such a celebrity icon there that even today, 3 years absence from the game i am stil ltalked about. I have been the captain of my high school soccer team, i have been successful in world of fashion and some modeling irl. I can understand the “celebrity’s point of view”. I have role-played an arrogant, loud mouth outspoken jedi on SWG. However none of this, has ever given me the right to disrespect other people’s relaitonship just because i have been lucky enough to have some success tossed my way. So would it be the right thing for me to say “I’m going to insult everyone here and my come back be “im the most decorated pvper in the mmo world”. ?

    Sorry if this rant was long, but it is just a different perspective to this issue. I apologize in advance if i offended anyone, it is truely unintenntional.

  13. Moggs Oceanlane Says:

    I adore codie. I also accept that her play on plurk may not be everyone’s cup of tea.

    Having said that, if a thread doesn’t sound like it’ll be of interest to me I simply move on.

    If are going to open a thread that starts with a statement like “I’m horny” really… what do you expect to find? An intellectual discussion on world affairs? I think not.

    AND… ditto… if you open one of codies plurks you’ll quite likely get some sexual overtones – she warns many that this is the case. The reason I adore codie is not for her sexual play in SL or on Plurk but because I find codie to be kind and considerate toward others. You’ll rarely hear codie put anyone down or belittle anyone.

    Like anything on the Internet… read what you want… avoid the rest. If it’s not of interest to you, there’s really no reason to harass others who are playing nicely.

    I think the actual issue was that the person was unhappy that their partner participated in one or more of these plurks (willingly, I presume?) – which could be addressed in a conversation directly with the partner.

    If I have an issue with anyone in SL or in any forum, I try to address my issue privately with them via IM, email or private plurk, Direct Message whatever rather than involved the whole community and have everyone put their two cents into something that at the end of the day can probably be resolved more peacefully and satisfactorily if done quickly and with the involvement of as few people as possible.

  14. First, nobody is teen here. Nobody is in high-school? Right?

    Then, saying that due to Codie’s popularity, saying “no” would induce counter-attack of fans, or any other hostility, is bullshit.And we all know that.

    But you have touched the point. There might be a game of popularity here. And one may be not wanting to say “no” because “yes” would bring something in return. I am not saying that was the case here, but it might be, just as you said. But then, that is also whoring. And we are all aware that every whoring can go beyond our limits. But even then, you can say no.

    And when Mr. X comes in the room with crowd Y, and sexually approach unknown person that might be in closed relationship… well, then Mr. X can get what he wants, or can be refused, or can be slapped. That’s the risk of approaching fast. Is it socially acceptable? Well, you’ll agree that that depends on the environment. It’s not the same if it is a rave, bar, school, office, street, shop…. Each has their own rules. So does Plurkwille. And each of us make rules on our own timelines. That’s the beauty of this.

  15. Yes, I know Codie. Yes, I lurve her to pieces. But this is not the point I’m going to attempt to make.

    This entire post, whether I knew Codie or not, seems to be all about *drama*. Unneeded drama at that. How could someone possibly post this on a public site for everyone to see? No offense Hawks, but I had much respect for you, and now to see this I can’t say I have the same respect anymore. *MAYBE* if you bleeped out all the names, then maybe, but completely calling her out in public then POSTING it? I have no idea who Sands is, and have lost respect for him already- he could have easily IM’d Codie and cleared it up- not make a complete fool out of herself. Seriously, not cool and not needed. Even if I didn’t know her, I would still be offended by this, and feel extremely bad for the person, for the fact someone is specifically naming people on their blog with the following chat. Not only is this demeaning Codie, but her friends and family as well.

    Yes, Codie is very sexually oriented, but we ALL know this. She has never once tried to hit on me (EVER) and to my knowledge I don’t know anyone that she has hit on that didn’t start flirting first. Codie flirts, lots, but she does not flirt with someone who does not flirt back OR does not start the flirting. The people who are “uncomfortable” do not have to say so on the public plurk either, they could private plurk her and ask her to stop, in which case there would be no big public OH SNAP I’M EMBARRASSING MYSELF BY TURNING CODIE DOWN! Codie wouldn’t tell others, she’s not like that, and everything would be fine again. None of Codie’s friends would look down on the person for speaking up that they are uncomfortable, I mean there was an entire plurk log over how Codie archived BSQOTD and she said she totally respects everyone’s opinion even if it seems hypocritical.

    It’s very easy to not look at the BSQOTD if you aren’t into that (that is where tons of flirting seems to happen), I don’t half the time, though it is good for a laugh looking at the responses. Do you have to answer? Hell no, I rarely do. Codie is one of the sweetest people I know and she is also one of the most respectful of other people. She’s not sitting there going FLIRT AND HAVE SEX WITH ME!! She’s just being her, and if you like it that’s fine, if you don’t then avoid her, but do not start drama over stuff you don’t know. You can still be friends with her and her friends on plurk, but you can avoid the topics that would make you uncomfortable.

    Just remember- if someone posted something of this nature on their blog about YOU, think of how HORRIFIED you and your friends would be.

  16. Moggs Oceanlane Says:

    I do like Dandellion’s questions

    “What makes sexual harassment in virtual environment? And, actually, what makes it in the meatspace?”

    While I’m quite capable of disagreeing and saying no I know that others do sometimes go on feeling uncomfortable with a situation, feeling that if they address it they’ll end up being shunned. That is a much harder issue to address both in Real Life and Virtual Life. I’d be interested to hear what people think of this… rather than having the issue brought to a personal level of attack. The broader issue is of more interest.

  17. I applaud the person that postd this blog. He is one of the few people that is not afraid to express his thoughts and feelings opnely and freely. He may have lost your respect, but he has gotten mine for what its worth. *shrug*

  18. Okay, so my comment back to the commenters:

    1) I love comments, and I love when people take the time to put their own thoughts/feelings/dialogue down and share it with everybody else. It makes for a more robust discussion, and for that I appreciate every one of you having the guts to comment. Whether you agree or disagree it is appreciated.

    2) It is sort of ironic to me that I have been seeing one side in the comments, and a totally different side in the private plurks, IM”s, and offlines from SL. To me this further illustrates the point that some people are afraid to take a stance that they might view as unpopular to the masses. I see everybody else engaging in it, so I will be uncool if I speak up about it. They want to express support, but are afraid to do it publicly for fear of being targeted. I think you are all way oversimplifying the peer pressure angle of being the first one to stir the pot and stand up to it.

    3) I really wish I would have called the post assault rather than battery, because assault means threat which is often a verbal communication in RL, whereas battery means physical touch… so I apologize for mangling my legal jargon. You can’t go up to someone and tell them that you are wanting to slide your hand in their panties, or unbutton their blouse without running a risk of them considering that assault.

    4) Although I referenced a plurk about being Horny, many of the plurks that I see happen in various threads throughout the plurkiverse. What will often start out as innocuous or mundane threads, end up taking a sexual turn when Codie enters the room. I am not going to go looking for em now, but I don’t think anyone would argue me on that point. This is what makes it hard to avoid, because it isn’t just one person’s plurks you have to avoid.

    5) I did call out Codie specifically on this issue, because she is the most widely talked about as being sexually explicit and solicitous. This issue today, just sort of impacted me because I was already having feelings on this issue that it was going too far, and as more friends were bringing up specific instances it seemed like the time was right to say my piece. I am not commenting on any other aspect of her character other than the sexual advances, I stated before that I am not prepared to comment. The only time I was ever around Codie in world was at Nimil’s b-day party, where Codie arrived, and started dancing naked and trying to sex the room in her first five minutes, at which point I did leave right away. I respect her right to do what she pleases, it is just in the form of how it impacts others that it bothers me.

    6) I am sorry if you don’t respect me for reposting a public thread that was not hidden, but to me it was a good illustration of the topic at hand. One that everybody who is involved in plurk is already aware of. I do think this qualifies as a sexual harrassment issue, and I am calling it to light, and soliciting everyone’s feedback on the issue.

  19. p.s. it is a very well written post for what it is, but I can’t say that public humiliation is the way to go about things of this nature. Yes, plurk is public but does the humiliation and malice really need to be BLOGGED?!

  20. she did not try to sex the room at my birthday party. i had dance poles out and she molested gabby HER GIRLFRIEND… so how is that sexing the whole room? i don’t remember her doing anything sexual towards me the whole night. were we at the same party? perhaps i’ll look back at my chat logs, i was a bit preoccupied by being the dj and all but i seriously don’t remember her trying to “sex the room”. my home is on a mature island and i told people they could get naked if they wanted to. i invited that behaviour so don’t put the blame on codie like she was doing it out of place and without permission!

  21. Alexa a quick question, if the said person has been disrespecting people’s integrity publicly, does not justify the same treatment back in return ?

    Hawk I whole heartly agree with point 2 of your response. Even my own girlfriend told me many times that she is afraid to stand up to Codie because of the hateful fall out. She has said she is a blogger and if she speaks her mind out, due to the popularity of Codie in the blogger crew, she will be left out and left alone and her blog will be damaged. thats what she said to me, however when she saw the fight between me and Codie she at first publicly took Codie’s side, while she is on the phone with me at the sametime telling me how much she loves me and hates to have SL stuff get in the way. However she is so afraid of the consequences her speaking out will have on her blog and the rest of her online life that she stayed quiet for the longest time and even went against me publicly.

    So I do understand your point there and totally agree with it. You also hit it home when you said you can’t easily avoid that person she pops up every where and tries to sex the whole place up, and again my partner put in a situaiton like that, how can you avoid it ? Is it right for you to be forced to leave a party just because someone who thinks she/he is a alot more important than he/she thinks he/she is ? I highly doubt this point can be argued.

    Also my refference to the teenage problem was an example to better understand the situaiton. however I do believe going public with that much sex is a childish and immature act, one of my best friends put it best “its a desperate cry for attention”.

  22. Moggs Oceanlane Says:

    I think the point/question could have been made better without the examples. I’m certainly interested in the broader issue however found the examples given to be ‘banal drama’ as opposed to a good example of the issue at hand.

    As a further point – you all seem to refer to SLebrities… quite frankly I like people because I like them and have very little idea of who I should be in awe of because they are a SLebrity – I actually find the idea quite laughable. Sure there are some avatars in SL quite known within selected circles but you could go into other spaces of SL and be hard pressed to find anyone who has heard of them. My rule of thumb is to treat everyone with equal respect… I don’t get celebrity worship in RL, let alone SL and couldn’t care if you are ‘notorious’, ‘famous’ or not… so long as I find you of interest to follow or to share dialogue with.

    And back to the topic of abuse – here’s some fantastic resources I found a long time ago when someone close to me was in a RL abusive relationship – these resources look at the cycle of abuse and what can constitute abuse.

    Having known people in Real Life abuse situations – you can be there and be supportive but at the end of the day, they are still the one that has to move on/speak out/ask for help before anything changes.

    I think the idea of this post was a good one but as stated above, didn’t find the examples particularly relevant and they clouded the issue/obscured the point rather than clarified it due to making it personal and not objective.

    the cycle of abuse :: flicker image
    Abuse: cycle of violence

    the power wheel :: flickr image
    Abuse: power & control behaviours

  23. I’m tired of the sexual overtones on plurk (people don’t post in serious threads anymore! turn your brains on, damnit!), but I also take part in playfulness with my good friends, because that behavior is already established with us. Nevertheless, I’d prefer if things didn’t always become so sexual all the time.

    Oh, and before I forget… everyone has a choice. Peer pressure exists, but everyone has the ability to say yes or no. It is up to that person to stand up for themselves and be secure in who they are.

    So, onto the discussion that’s *truly* at hand… one person, and one person only.

    No matter what my view is on this subject… the fact that this entire discussion revolves around one individual is not only limiting and keeping more constructive, broad discussion from occurring, but it’s a personal attack in public. Gossip, hearsay, and bad blood are strewn all over the internet about one person. I’m not surprised, since this is all too common in our little universe of SL media… but I am disappointed. Defaming someone and gossiping about their behavior is not constructive. there are better ways to get the point across about unwanted behavior. And it doesn’t involve verbally smearing another human being, no matter what they do, how they look, or if they differ from you in any way.

    Take your issues to a person privately. If it cannot be resolved, then either keep your mouth shut, block them, or seek assistance. We are not children, and we don’t need to stoop to such bullying, immature behavior to compel someone to change their behaviors or to express an opinion.

    Respect to all,

  24. Would like to ask a simple question… How old are you people? We are grown ups. Let’s act like it. To each there own.

  25. I debated commenting for a long time, because I know the response will be “oh, she’s just Codie’s girlfriend, so we know she’s biased.” And you’d better believe I am. If you don’t like it, feel free to stop reading here.

    I won’t comment on the reprehensible nature of this very public and very personal attack on someone I happen to love, because I think I covered that in Plurk, except to say that I hope none of you ever have to go through the hurt and humiliation and tears that Codie and I, and all who love her and care for her, have been through tonight. I don’t wish that on my worst enemy.

    What I will say is that this whole notion of “I can’t say no to Codie because she might try to get back at me” is the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever heard! Ever! Have any of you spent even 30 seconds in a conversation with her? Has she ever done anything to make you think she is vengeful or spiteful? Do you really believe that she is going to pop off a message to her entire friends list in an attempt to blackball you? Really? Your BLOG might be damaged? Are you kidding me?

    I can tell you that I tell her no all the time, I’m friends with people she doesn’t particularly care for, I support in-world business that she has real issues with, and she knows all of this. We disagree, we talk about it, and never once, in any of those conversations, no matter how heated, have I ever, EVER heard her say anything derogatory or even mildly insulting about the party in question. Not once! And I’m probably one of the few she would open up to in that way were she given to spouting hateful, negative commentary. But, she’s not. She just isn’t built that way. I can look back on a time not too long ago when I asked her to delete a plurk that I was uncomfortable with, she did it, no questions asked, and we talked about it after. She did this not because I’m her girlfriend, but because she respects the opinions and feelings of others. She’d do it for any one of you, too. And has, as I believe Nimil will attest.

    So, yes, I’m biased. Yes, I will support the people I love to the bitter end. And, yes, I will follow her example and move on with a smile on my face. But I would encourage others to think about respect and common courtesy before they resort to slander.

  26. Well, in my case I started it with the Plurk, and Codie didn’t make advances to me, in fact she had replied 3 times before and it was only on the 4th time that she said something which could be interpreted as an advance. If people are not receptive they don’t need to respond, or they can just say that they’re uncomfortable. When she said “Codie rubs” and I asked “Rubs where?” obviously she was going to take that as a sign that it was ok to continue.

    It’s true Codie is very overtly sexual, but if people are uncomfortable with it why follow her plurks or friend/fan her? It’s not like RL when you don’t have a choice, sometimes you just can’t walk out of the room due to circumstances. On Plurk or in SL you can block/mute. Even if there really is harassment, it’s easily stopped.

  27. There is more to this than saying no, Codie walks around SL with her pants down because that gets her enough attention for her so called “talents”.

    The other issue is respect, if she is not going to respect people enough not to tell them to go down on her and lick hr publicly, my god don’t expect to be respected in public either.

    A friend of mine that was reading this blog said something, “its amusing how she gets to act so overtly and freely and with complete disregard to any sort of manners, but someone is goign to talk about is, its expected to be Mr.Manners”.

  28. reading back over this stuff, now after cooling off a bit i see people blaming codie for things that were done with concent on all parts, spinning it around to make her look like something bad. she has done some naughty things in plurks. but those plurkers involved invited that behaviour, no one said stop. you cited my birthday party, codie was given the opportunity and no one said stop, i saw nothing wrong with it. hell we were on a bdsm sim! obviously she did nothing wrong in either cases..

    not once in my entire friendship with codie, has she ever made a sexual move on me. infact the most contact we’ve ever had has been hugs and friendly interactions. codie knows how i feel and where i stand. she knows that i have a line that is not crossed without my permission, and she knows if she crosses it i will shoot her down.

    the way you portray her is similar to a rapist, but seriously… it’s laughable to think that if you turn her down you’d be subject to harassment… has anyone ever even had this happen? i think not. where is your proof? no one here is angry that someone turned someone down. what’s pissing people off is the way things are being spun. it’s wrong and it’s just to start drama.

    i’m really disappointed and i keep comming back to this blog hoping you’d have a change of heart but i doubt it. you’re a shit stirrer and that makes me sad. i really respected your opinion but now i’m just going to have to walk away.

  29. First off I’d like to say that I’ve heard many similar opinions regarding the plurks mentioned in this post. In general, people issue warnings to their friends who join plurk, scoff at what get’s plurked, and shake their heads saying tsk tsk. Something I’ve done myself to be honest. Let’s not publicly flog someone who’s only real crime -allegedly- has been annoying others.

    You’re accusing others of being afraid to take a stance? Seriously? Against what?

    I’ve rolled my eyes a few times at some of the plurks I’ve seen, sure. And yes I’ve been privy to IMs and discussions about what other people think of this or that. These people have chosen to share their feelings about this matter because they have feelings, most likely thinking that ignoring the stuff that bugs them would be a lot less work than calling the offender out publicly. If I’d been witness to anyone, myself, who seriously felt offended or threatened in any way, I’d surely do whatever I could to help. This is not that.

    Like I said, I know that this post has been brewing for some time. But let’s not elevate what was annoying to a place with harsh terms like ‘harassment’. In all I’ve experienced, I don’t believe that to be the case. No, I don’t enjoy seeing the pining, whining, or graphic sexual adventures of everyone I see on plurk, but I’m sure good at not reading or following what I don’t want to 😉

  30. This whole thing could be declared as ‘comedy gold’ if not the feelings of a wonderful woman were hurt and her reputation, integrity and character attacked in the most hostile and hateful way I have ever seen. I am straight, Codie knows that. I don’t do SL sex cause it creeps me out, Codie knows that. I do love to respond to her BSQOTD and some of her kinky stuff though and she knows that. Codie respects who I am and what I stand for and that – among many other things like her talent, her humor and her warmth . make me respect her. What deeply shocks me is the kind of clichés you’re working with. On the one hand there’s the bulldyke, the combat lez chick who suffocates each and everyone with her over-sexualized behaviour and you doubt whether she’s a woman in RL and you make her look like the guy standing at the schoolyard passing out candy to kids to rape them later. Wonderful, cliché number one is fulfilled. Next comes the poor helpless girl who doesn’t know where to look when she sees Codie’s kinky plurks. The one who feels molested and who is too weak and shy to put up resistance. Can I have an ‘awww’ from the audience? If this were comedy she would probably be impersonated by Reese Whitherspoon or any other cutsie girlie bimbo with big eyes like Bambi. That’s cliché number two – check! And now – drumrolls for the third cliché – the knight in shining armor coming to save the princess from the red sex dragon named CodeBastard, dragging her by her long golden hair into his cave or rather on his poseballs. Wow. That’s awesome stuff. As I said, I would already be laughing my ass off if there weren’t a person involved I really appreciate because behind that reough edgy and kinky facade is a wonderful woman who cares – I mean really cares not just filing her claim, branding her cow, marking her private property like you did Sands. You are oh so important in the gaming business? Wow. You got me stunned. Well, no surprise you are cause you’re obviously spending a lot of time on those games due to a complete lack of social skills and manners.

  31. using the enter key more often will help us read your rant a little a easier. FYI for next time.

    Again, every single person defending Codie here has no come up with a single valid arguement to counter argue the bloger’s post or any of the points i have made. Its “you are a jerk, she is nice to me” rant.

    Again it doesn’t matter whos bandwagon you are on, or who is doign what with who, I really could careless who Codie is or what she does UNTIL she decided to step into my world. THAT is not respect, had she treated us with respect, i would be returning the favour, but she wants to act like a new york hooker …guess what ? She will be treated like one.

    Its not “attacking” someone, its not “questioning ones integrity” when you are simply speaking about facts. There are numerous people who have brought up examples where Codie has walked into a crowd and tried to turn the place into a big orgy, and they had felt uncomfortable to a point they had to leave.

    As far as claiming she is a guy irl, I’m not alone on that one. I have never met -any- actual woman who behaves that way, the only person that even remotely acts like Codie is someone from my SWG community over 3 years ago, and suprise, after 2 years it turned out it was a guy irl.

  32. seriously sands i’m pretty sure you’ve never met ANY women the way you act… i do know rl women who act like codie, they are lesbians and they are a bit older, but they are women none the less, and they, like codie, know boundries, and stop when asked to stop.

    you want her to step into your world but that makes no sense… what is she supposed to step into? internet videogame nerd who publicly humiliates his girlfriend who WILLINGLY PARTICIPATED in something?

    your girlfriend messed around willingly and you are blaming codie for what? hypnotizing her? seducing her with her L$ and her SL “fame”?

    i’ve had plenty of occasions where i’ve hung out with codie or been in ims with codie and not only did she stay clothed, but we had rather serious conversations, and never did it turn towards sex.

    if i were to invite that sort of behaviour yeah sure i’m pretty sure she’d pounce me in a heart beat. but she knows i’m not going to invite it, so she doesn’t try. your girlfriend invited it, and she got pounced. who’s really to blame here? your girlfriend, for not saying no. no one forced her to type. no one stood there with a gun to her head.

    i’m pretty sure we have come up with a valid argument against what is being said. both bunny and i have said that codie has never attempted to make sexual advances towards us because we have both shown codie that we are not interested in that sort of thing. no one has attacked us for turning her down, no one has defriended us for saying no. that in itself shows that there is no reason to be intimidated.

  33. lol x2.

  34. Codie is who she says she is. If you don’t like it, don’t subscribe to it. She is fun and flirtatious and I totally agree with Seikatsu she is no worse than any normal red blooded straight man.

    I do have Codie as a contact on Plurk and in-world, we haven’t perhaps spent a great deal of time together but we have talked enough for me to understand and realise that she is a genuinely sweet woman.

    I have never once felt pressured into ‘saying the right thing’ just because it was her plurk, for fear that the public would scorn me.

    I must however say that this, this very blog, this very public condemnation piece of writing is low, very low. You can choose to unsubscribe from Codie, you can choose to not accept her friendship she however cannot chose to have this blog post un-posted.

  35. At this point in time I am agreeing with Moggs, and giving her a big high 5! Based on the discussion in the comments, the issue has been clouded that I was trying to address by the fact that I referenced a specific instance and used a specific name. I could have just as easily described the situation, and EVERYONE who uses plurk would know who I was referencing without the name. The fact that I used one specific name, has led to everybody circling the wagons, and trying to protect her, rather than focusing on the issue, which I still stand by as a serious one.

    I honestly think that people on this thread are minimizing the severity of legal actions that one sexually charged comment toward someone who feels threatened can result in. The point of the article was intended to be about that fact that this is a very real example, where one woman did feel threatened by it, despite how eloquent or not her boyfriend can communicate it.

    I still stand by my right to publish it though, given that it is a public thread, and this is a very hot topic at the moment, amongst a lot of people. I am a little disappointed that there is such a divide in public verses private comments, but I sort of expected that when I chose to go public with it.

    I would encourage you to check out the girlfriends perspective on this situation:

  36. Nobody has to protect Codie. She’s not helpless … and neither is “the girlfriend” – whom we should refer to as “Meara” because she’s an individual who deserves to be seen as more than a “boyfriend accessory”.

  37. There is a price to pay when you have the courage to stand up and speak the truth. It seems like these Codie bandwagon fangirls are too in love with the sound of their own voice to speak the truth. As Hawk stated, none of the following issues can be debated or justified :

    – Openly, publicly dragging people into sexual situations.
    – Treating people and their life as a doormat, then expecting to be treated with respect in return.
    – Pulling your panties down everytime there is a crowd to get attention for your work.

    Those points are not debatable, there is nothing that can justify. To sit here and say “well don’t read Codie’s plurk or blogs”, no one is, we don’t hang out with Codie, we don’t talk to her, we don’t even wanna see her, but it gets difficult toavoid her when she sticks her nose into everythread, plurk, blog, party with her pants down. To avoid that is to avoid SL all together.

    You can’t defened murder by saying “the person could have defended themself, should have been a stronger person”. I pity the small minded and narrow minded people who ride on the Codie bandwagon and make themselves look ridiculous.

  38. Hello – long time reader, first time commenting.

    So far, I’ve agreed with everything Eshi said.

    Also, though, I agree with Hawks’ point: “2) It is sort of ironic to me that I have been seeing one side in the comments, and a totally different side in the private plurks, IM”s, and offlines from SL. To me this further illustrates the point that some people are afraid to take a stance that they might view as unpopular to the masses.”

    I have to agree with that because I’ve experienced the same situation a couple of times – female friends complaining to me in IM’s about aggressive or overtly suggestive comments from another female avatar, but my friends were too shy or too intimidated to reject such advances and went ahead and played along for appearance sake since it was a public gathering and the offending person was well known in SL. And it was also almost like if the offending avatar had been male, my female friends would have felt justified in turning down the advancements, but since it was coming from a female avatar, not viewed quite the same, I guess. I dunno.

    Good topic to post about, but since in this case it dealt mostly with a specific avatar, you can’t expect to see as many supportive public comments due to all the reasons mentioned previously.

    So, anyway, more importantly, should I be signing up for Plurk?

  39. Anonscaredthatcrudiewillstalkthem Says:

    I am deffo not a Crudbastard fan but I do feel that the fact the plurk where Meara quite openly had cyber in front of fistfuls of plurkers with Crudbastard has gone missing is a bit conveinient, do you not think Mr Sands?

    It does take 2 to tango but it also wouldnt take much for people to stfu and stop trying to overcompensate for a small dick in real life by pretending they are a girl in SL and not a very attractive one at that i might add.

    Just my 2 cents, thanx.


    Wrong. You just don’t read what you don’t like. But let’s try it again.

    Even my own girlfriend told me many times that she is afraid to stand up to Codie because of the hateful fall out. She has said she is a blogger and if she speaks her mind out, due to the popularity of Codie in the blogger crew, she will be left out and left alone and her blog will be damaged.

    I must notice that your girlfriend is selling you bullshit. On what evidence she is making these accusations? And even if there is some danger that she or her blog will suffer because of what she might say (and there is not, as witnessed many times here), so what about it? You want to tell me that your girlfriend had to do the dirty talk so her PageRank would fall from N/A or that she will lose how many readers? Even if that is true, what should we think about her as a woman, human being and blogger after all? That it’s her who’s actually whoring here.

    There is a saying that whore is not doing what she does because of money, but because she likes doing it.

    I am highly amused by what Hawks is saying, that so many people protest privately. Are they also afraid to speak up loudly so it have any effect or they are just gossiping in the corner and producing drama? Well, if one is not comfortable to tell their wishes and needs do you really expect anybody else to play a guessing game trying to please you? Well, if you don’t say it, it doesn’t count. If you say it, we actually can do something about it. Or we can depart and continue our lives far away from each other. Luckily, grid is big enough.

  41. Sorry, I messed something with that blockquote upthere. It was supposed to be Sand’s quote:

    Again, every single person defending Codie here has no come up with a single valid arguement to counter argue the bloger’s post or any of the points i have made.

  42. Actually, if two of you are so sensible of what about bloggers can tell about you….
    You both have 30 minutes to IM me and submit yourselves as my slaves for the next week.

  43. dialoguewithdaila Says:

    Quick question.

    Hawks, Wrath, etc. – What advice did you provide your friends that IM’d you about feeling uncomfortable with overtly suggestive text from another female avatar, but responded anyway.

    Did it go anything like this?


    Overtly Sexual Avatar: Sex Talk, Sex Talk, Sex Talk

    Female Friend: Ohhhh, sex talk, sex talk, sex talk

    Overtly Sexual Avatar: Oh I wanna sex talk your sex talk.

    Female Friend: Sounds like so much sex talk fun.

    Private IM from Female Friend to Male Friend: Like omg, I can’t believe overtly sexual avatar is coming on to me like that. I feel so uncomfortable, and I am so not a lesbian I swear.

    Private IM from Male Friend to Female Friend: Well my advice is to continue talking to them in open chat and act like you like it and then just keep IMing me and complaining about it.

    Did you have any obligation to encourage your friend to speak up? Would that have solved the problem easily?

  44. Actually, I think my initial comment would’ve been something along the lines of: “You do realize that’s a male in RL you are talking to, right?”

    Which would of course alleviate any fears my female friend might have had of being a lesbian without even knowing.

    And of course I told them to try and ignore the person, but when it’s in public chat, in front of a group of people – not so easy.

  45. It’s not easy to ignore the public chat? Really?


    I’m wish Eshi.


  47. This is too funny. Draaaaammmaaaa!!!

    For The Record – I never pulled my pants down to show off my SLebrity 🙂 I earned my the old fashioned way – I faked it!!! 😛

  48. At this point in time, I am going to close the comments on this post. I just removed a comment from Sands which was a very personal attack, and things are getting way beyond the scope of what this post was intended to cover.

    I think that by this point in time, everybody has had their chance to speak their mind on the issue. If you feel you still have something constructive to add to the discussion, then feel free to drop a notecard on me in-world and I may decide to go ahead and allow it. We also, offer up the opportunity for anyone who wishes to write a rebuttal in the form of a post to submit that, and if it is deemed to be of good quality then we will post it on your behalf on the blog.

    I feel like I have learned a lot from this experience, in particular about how targeting a specific individual has the potential to cloud the issue itself because people get very caught up in the specifics of defending them, rather than the topic at hand. I definitely will be sprinkling many of the topics covered here into future blog posts, but in a more generalized context.

  49. […] post at the SL Revolution, “What is SLove?” or Jellybean Madison’s post , “Sexual Battery by Plurk?” […]

  50. […] mocked Plurks with extreme sexual content and made fun of the PostSecrets. We laughed at the girl who liked to make lists of names, and […]

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